I just wanna apologise to all of my friends and tell them that I know this is a very big mistake and its something really stupid and selfish to do. But Its just at that point of time I just cant think of anything else but ways to end my life. And Yes I know some of you are really disappointed with me and believe that I did this all just to seek attention and make all of you pity me. I dont blame anyone of you, I am not gonna fight back and make you all think I really wanted to end my life. Many people manage to get through all these by moving on and fighting through the emotional pain that they have suffered. But I'm just a like a new student who just got into primary school, I'm still learning. I am slower than everysingle one of you. My weakness is dealing with emotional pain. Suicidal thoughts comes so easily and I just cant seem to push them away. Its actually hurtful hearing my friends thinking that all these are just for attention seeking. Theres nothing more I can do now, but just accept it and stuff. I know what I have done and I know its a really big mistake and I am willing to learn from it and really wake up this time. Well, My life is mostly about my friends. There nothing in the world that can make me happier than how THE GREENERS do. I thought of all the past times we've had almost a year ago, how happy the greeners are together everysingle night without fail, we would be a the coffee shop sitting down with smiles on our faces and jokes flying all around and stuff. We dont even need to call one another, we'll just be at that very table of the coffee shop, and everysingle time a person walks in from the entrance, all our eyes will turn and look who that is. Its so amazing. We may not show how much we love another, but we can tell you know. We are like a big family. And do you all remember we actually thought of having a big dinner and call everysingle one of the greeners down?? It didnt happen. Time past, fights and lots of problems came. Everyone drifted and some even split into groups. Now, Its so hard to see the smiles that we used to have before. This family of friends is so important to me, that I could just wish to live all my life with all of them being still as close till the day we grow so old that we're fighting for our lives. Do you all actually think of all these past memories? And hoping that it can happen again. Maybe not now, but I really wanna see the close-ness of our friendships and the smiles on our faces like before. I hate drifting away from friends you know. I wanna leave a note to some of you.
Donn: I dont even dare to say anything now, because I've put you through so much shit and gave you so much pain even though I love you so much. How I wish I could just turn back time and treat you so much better and show you how much I really love you. Like I said, no one has ever made me felt this way, no one has ever made me feel so much love. I've made too many mistakes and take too long to learn from them that even makes you lose total trust in me. Now, We're almost nothing, just memories. There's nothing much I can do now, but just wait , hope and pray. If you still believe this, (I know you dont) I LOVE YOU...
Kenneth & Joshua : We used to the 3 musketeers of Wicked and Greeners, Now its so hard for us to be so close once again. Do you remember the skating days, and after that we'll skate down to green and everything? Its really amazing thinking how close we are before. And Please dont stop believing that we're never gonna be so close ever again. I love the both of you fucking much, you cant imagine. Josh, do you remember the skating days. When only just you and me went all the way to town and skate, even though we're not that good but we still had so much fucking fun? I missed it so much, I miss being close with you again. I really want them all back I swear. Kenneth, I am happy that we're getting close again, and I miss going to your house like most of the time of my week. The both of you just mean so much to me and I really want the 3 musketeers stuff to come back. I still have pictures of the 3 of us, and I'm sure we can look at it and laugh. I fucking love the both of you. I swear.
Jeremy: Silence doesnt mean I dont care, Its just I'm afraid I might say the wrong things and make things worst and I dont really know what exactly is happening and stuff. Nowadays Its so fucking hard to see the Jeremy with cheerful smiles on his face and how he always crack jokes about anyone one of us. Do you remember how you always make fun of others and the whole table would be laughing? I know you are disappointed with what I've done and I know you are going to shit and yes its worst than mine, please dont ever think that I think that I dont care and all, because I really do its just that I myself are going thru so much stuff that I cant even help myself. We called one another "BRO" for a reason. Yes we might have drifted, but nothing can ever change the way I treat and look at you. Cause I swear, that's how much you mean to me, if you dont know that.
Peter: You're one of the freaking jokers with jokes that can make all of us die laughing. And Yes I know youre disappointed to, I dont blame you. And I cant change what you believe what was the purpose of me doing this. I just hope you will understand at least a little bit pete. We might not know each other soooo well, but you mean alot to me too.
Ben: You're like so old la you, I was happy that I got close to you and I really wanna thank you for caring so much for me. And even after the greeners drifted, I still see you with at least a bottle of beer on the table with you and listening to your mp3 and just smoking sometimes laugh at the joke we shared and stuff. Just so that you'ld know, you're one of those people that I trust the most.
Stace & Ryan: I may not show how much I love you both, but ya la I really love you both as if you're my brother and sister, I swear. And Yes we might not be that close but close enough right? Stace, You might be far away and its hard for us to talk and stuff, but you still really really mean alot to me. Youre one of those who listen to me so much and give me real good advice you know. I dont know how to explain this but yeah youre like the best best best. And I am really sorry, I am really very very very very sorry for disappointing and letting you down, I am willing to learn from my mistakes now and Stace you know I love you. Ryan, Youre like my brother and yeah we're not that close but close enough uh huh? I know you really fucking care for me so much because you have been there for me countless times and I really appreciated it alot, I may not show you that I really love you and care. But I hope that you know I do. And one more thing, I really respect the relationship that you both are having.
Nigel: You're back to have fun with your all of us, I'm sorry for screwing a little bit of your time up. We might not have that much of a conversation when youre in aussie, but yeah I do miss you when youre away. The Times we had, and lets think about all those skating days. Do you remember skating at hougang point one evening and we almost all of us started skating with boxers and we even pulled down abit to let those people see our butt cracks? I wont forget about that. Its just now when I talk to you, I just feel like we're different and theres a wall between us. I'm sorry.
Scott & Nestor: Where have the both of yours hairy asses gone to? Scott, I miss going to your house almost everysingle day, I mean your old house which is like less than 1 minute walk away. Remember how often we used to call each other and say, "eh, I'm bored can I go over not". I really miss them la. And Nestor, remember when youre staying at Scott's place for quite awhile and I always go there cause we're both bored at home? and just sit down talk cock and smoke our life away. I hope you remember, and eh you're a father now la.
Nicole,Claire,Hetty,Tessa: Thank you girls so much for being there for me and I really enjoy hanging out with all of you. Hetty & Nicole, the both of you are the loudest dont have to deny you both know it. Claire, We dont get to see one another very much but you still mean alot to me uh huh. Thanks for being there for me, and please dont forget the green algae man. Tess, you've been there for the most the most most most, and thank you so much for being at the hospital everysingle day, I was really really really very very happy, and you're my partner and always will be.
Natalie Ho: You're like cute la, ha. Well Nat, I am really sorry for being a pain in the ass and being a childish fuck for fighting with you so many times. I am really sorry, and I know you put in alot of afford in helping me and all, but it din really work. But trust me nat, now it will. And maybe I dont show it but you do mean alot alot alot to me too okay. And you are the one who started Silhouette Clothing which is now known as "SEPHIRE CLOTHING" with me. Let's not give up and keep this dream going okay nat?
Natasha Liew: I know we've drifted alot eversince you left singapore. I am really sorry for letting this happen, but I really want this close-ness of our friendship back. Do you remember how we'll always be on the phone till God knows what time? I miss all of those I really do. And Nat you know i Love you.....
Zac : We may not be that close but close enough yeah? after knowing for quite a long time I'm beginning to believe that youre kind like close to God like, as in like the nice guy kinda way and all ya know? anyway, I just wanna thank you for keeping company and cheering me up most of the time and making me sunrise everysingle time when I go over to your place for soccer and stuff. Dont forget what we're suppose to do, form a chinese screamo band and write mixed genre songs yeah. I just wanna thank you for every single thing especially the road trip that we had, its really really fun. Thank You Zac!
To those people who I've left out, please dont think that you're not that important or anything. Please everysingle one of my friends do. And I love all of you. I've learned my lessonS....
