Wednesday, July 12, 2006
5:11 AM
History.
Its amazing that I've just only to be learning about life. Its not wrong for someone to have suicidal thoughts when you get hurt, like I said it just thoughts. Somethings can just hurt you so much till you even tried killing yourself, yes its foolish to do something like that. I have been through it countless times. Yes I had thoughts and I even attempted doing it but I failed, totally nothing happened to me, I thought I was gone by that moment but I was still freaking alive. Maybe its something that is telling me that this is real real real foolish cause it wont only hurt my family it will hurt those people who loves me. This feeling is telling me to pick myself up when I fall and learn from every bit of the mistakes I've made. I am going to be a better person that I was before, feel for others and never ever neglect my friends anymore. I just wanna thank every single one of my friends who have been there for me. I love all of you so much, I really do. I cant imagine myself being like this, I am only alright when I'm around my friends but I'm never alright when I'm alone. This feeling is killing me slowly. Its hurting me so bad till I cant even recognize myself in the mirror. I wish I could be like before and be happy with all of my friend including you. I am not as strong as how you all think I am, In fact I thought I was stronger to go through all these, I am sorry to disappoint everyone of you, but I am not strong at all I am really sorry. I would even lock myself in the room and just talk to myself, all these is driving me crazy I swear it is. Yes alot of people have gone through this, and I'm sure you all know how I feel and what kind of situation I in. I am new to this and its really killing me things just have to happen at the wrong time and nothing ever goes the way you wanted it to be, sometimes life gets so unfair you just feel like stabbing a knife on your head. Mistakes people make can be so hurtful that it can kill somebody, even words that are so strong and hurtful it can kill you too you know that? So tell me, Is there anyplace in the world where you can find happiness and peace where no one's crying, fighting, killing and screaming in pain. I cant life be like this. Or maybe life is meant to have good and bad times, I'm sure millions of people have died from their bad times and just couldnt take their pain anymore and just totally gave up on their lives. Now I just wish I could sleep and never wake up again, I am really sick and tired of going through all these and facing them and more problems just keeps on coming. I swear things just happen at the wrong damn motherfucking time.
I thought I was stronger,
will history be falling for science.
get me some chemicals that can give me a wish
everyone knows what I want
and you know it,
my history, is yours
if my words meant nothing,
and all the love I gave wasnt enough
here you go, my heart
take it
its yours..
its yours...
